Tuesday, October 03, 2006

polo, online poker, tapping a keg

Water polo in Wisconsin is different from water polo in Chicago. On the plus side I don't have to practice nearly as much, I might actually get some decent play time, and the team has an amazing knack for partying. On the other side, we are going to lose games, like, a lot. I don't know how I'm going to react because last year I was spoon fed victories by my teammates. The guys on the team are really cool though, so I'm still excited to go to Grand Valley State this weekend. I predict a "You may have fucked us up in the water today, but we are going to get even more fucked up tonight!" attitude, which will be entertaining for everyone.

In general, life has been pretty sweet the past few weeks. I haven't had any serious injuries, I've been meeting a lot of good people, and I've even been eating healthier and working out regularly, which are all signs that something fucking stupid was going to happen to me.

Really, I'm not that stingy of a guy. I'm willing to spot friends for meals, pay for girls to drink, tip pizza guys well, etc. The college life, though, is expensive. Things like food, alcohol, foot massages, posters of girls making out, collector's edition Chewbacca costumes; it really adds up. My first thought was, then, "Danny you bastard, you should get a job, work 8-12 hours a week and keep yourself busy while learning valuable life lessons." By the time that sentiment reached my mouth it came out as "Hey guys, I'm going to play online poker and earn like a fucking thousand dollars a week off stupid bitches!" I have no doubt that there are lots of people making money at places like Party Poker and Poker Tree, but they are not stingy bastard college kids. Turns out I play poker like Shylock during the Great Depression. (and yes I feel fine insulting Shylock's character, not because he was a Jew but because he was such a douchebag to his daughter.) (and I also know "Merchant of Venice" didn't take place during the Great Depression, what do you think I am a fucking moron?) (asshole.)
So I lost money because apparently you have to spend money to make money. Or something like that, I wouldn't know, I'm the one who lost lots of money on online poker. Go ahead, judge me.

If I took a look at the story arch of each night out since I've been in Madison, I'd say the most reoccuring complaint each night is *learn to tap a keg*. Seriously, you spent a lot of money on that keg. It looks really cool in your hallway, and you can get a lot of sweet photo ops with all the empty kegs in your house/apartment at the end of the night, but for God's sake savor the flavor. I'm proposing a school organized demonstration, (possibly mandatory?) like job training. Sort of like how some English classes or Comm Arts class require taking an "Understanding the Library" demonstration, there should be a "Don't Fuck All Your Friends and Possible F Buddies Because You Rush the Most Important Moment of the Night" demonstration. I may submit that in writing to the Student Council, see what kind of feedback I get.

Also, completely unrelated to anything, but is it sanitary to be washing out my bowls and forks and spoons with the soap in the bathrooms? I might have to invest in some Dawn, but again, Shylock.

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